


Things Kept Hidden

by 1lovefandoms



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band), etc - Fandom, ziam - Fandom
Genre: Forvever unfinished, Gay, I don't ship larry anymore, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Love, One Direction Imagines, Self Harm, Tbh this wasnt that good anyway, different POV, other shit, suicidal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-04-29 17:20:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5136170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1lovefandoms/pseuds/1lovefandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry had lots of great friends, fans and family, he had a great life but one day he decided it would be a great idea to fall in love with his  bandmate Louis . He turned away from everything</p><p> Harry became his life, harry was now louis' mission. louis had to fix harry, so they could be together without fear of something happening to the other.<br/>whilst doing this they both forgot that love hurts the most. love hurts the most because you will love someone even when all odds and earthly elements are against you, love will drown,burn and suffocate you, knocking you down until you pray for mercy but you will still love and you won’t stop. they had a great life before "larry", and before hell but of course they couldn’t go back now, couldn’t undo everything. </p><p>dont judge, its a work in progress ( by connor franta )</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS MY VERY FIRST WORK EVER! im not a very good writer so please do not be angry with this. im still in the process of thinking of the plot. i may not continue this but whatever  
> p.s i sortof dont know what the fuck im doing.  
> p.p.s i dont know anything about the warnings so im just going to say that harry is suicidal...have fun!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the writing of this chapter was shit but the general chapter was needed for the plot...obviously. trust me, i think the writing gets better :) the plots still gonna be shit tho :(

HARRY

 

I looked up at the ceiling still confused with what had just happened. Liam had stormed into the bathroom angrily after having a fight with Sophia but stopped when he saw me frantically searching for something in the cupboards. He started to help me open things when he noticed the razor on the counter and looked at me quizically, he glanced down at my sleeve which had blood seeping through it. Immediately he choked and tried to even his breathing “ Harry, what exactly are you looking for? “ he asked voice steady. I looked down preparing for Liams reaction to the words i said next “ band aids “ in stead of the angry reaction i expected from liam he walked out of the room ( i still half expected he would come back with a belt though ). Liam came back with bandages and a special cream, he shoved my sleeve up and cleaned all the blood up. Then without another word of the incident he picked up the razor and told me to go to bed.  
I heard liam on the phone, most likely talking to my mom or doctor. You see this has happened before, about a year ago i was obsessed with the terrible habit of cutting to make myself feel better. Apparently my problem had to do with control and my lack of it, i had problems with not being in control of certain things and it made me mad. when lou and louis heard about it they talked and i started getting a lot more support from my band mates and i stopped cutting, its probably not that simple but i guess it must have been easy to stop then because i didn’t know exactly what i was not in control of but this time i do.  
Me and my mate Louis have this…bromance…larry, we take it as a joke so Louis is always saying he loves me and making penis jokes. I guess i sort of became attached to this “ conspiracy of fan fiction “…i fell in love with the little shit, but of course as far as i know he is strait and only thinks of me as a band and flat mate. The bond with him i have is just deeper than the other boys, Louis will always be there to take care of me and say “ i love you “. Thats what I’m not in control of, my emotions. It also doesn’t help that the fans completely support “ Larry “ and think Modest makes us hide our sexuality, which is not completely true because i don’t know about Louis but they only make me hide mine, even though its not like I’m eager to tell the entire world that i like boys ( cue Simon Battle ).  
Louis walked into my room, I was instantly caught of guard and picked up a book as if to pretend i was reading. He sat on the bed and ran his hand through my rather long curly locks sighing, “ Harry, is there anything you have to tell me? “ he asked as if i was some naughty child that had just stolen a cookie ( i was still naughty but i don’t know anything about a cookie ). I quickly realized who Liam had been calling.  
“ umm…no “ i said quietly enjoying the fact that Louis was still caressing my curls.  
" you sure " he asked only recieving a nod and sideways glance from me. “ for fucks sake Harry! cut the bullshit! “ he exclaimed, i sat there stunned “ I’m not here to joke around with you Harry, you know exactly why im here harry, this is not a joke, i-its not “ he said voice cracking as he said the last word. I almost snorted at the fact that poor Louis was still going through puberty but then made a split second decision to be mature because even though cutting actualy made me feel calmer it scares the boys.  
“ i-i-umm, i resorted to my old way of solving problems instead of telling someone “ i said reciting something my doctor said, he nodded and then asked me something everyone does  
“ why? “ he said asking the question i absolutely hate, obviously i don’t want to talk but know one understands that do they. This time i didn’t hold back a snort which received an eye roll from louis.  
“ because i am experiencing something i don’t understand and have no controll over! “ i recited practically yelling ( but not quite ) at Louis as if he should already know this, even though he should since he was the one to drive me back and fourth from my doctor appointments, this were the doctors exact words.  
“ and can you tell me what it is? “ he said clearly repeating something liam told him to say, none of the boys knew what to do with me and when we talked about things like this they were never themselves, the only words that were exchanged were thing people told us to say.  
“no”, with that Louis’ body stiffened like i had just told him horrible news  
“ thought you trusted me " he said then got up and left, abondoning me to talk things out with myself knowing his last words would make me feel like crap.  
“ whatever, louis doesn’t even care “ i said to myself.  
After alot of thinking I eventually went to sleep only to be woke up an hour later so we could ride the tour bus to another city on our unending tour.


	2. chapter 1 : the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am totally not sure what im doing with this story.  
> p.s i totally dont give a shit about accuracy, capitilization or grammer so deal with it

LOUIS

 

The tour bus was full of life considering it was 4:00am. Pual had took Liam to the gym and Niall was sleeping and snoring so loud none of us would be able to sleep anyway. Zayn sat on the floor with a redbull in hand laughing loudly at something Harry told him, however unlike Zayn Harry was wrapped in a blanket and yawned very loudly every two minutes. Harry actually looked very cute wrapped up like an eggroll in the emerald green blanket that matched his eyes.  
The real reason we were up was because yesterday Harry relapsed, we don’t know why and he hasn’t done it in so long but of course Liam walked in on Harry and called me immediately. There was awkwardness and now Liam was too nervous to even think of Harry and escaped of to the gym whenever the younger boy walked in the room. Harry wasn’t an idiot, he knew why he did it even if he wouldn’t tell me, he knows why we are watching him extra hard but he chooses to play innocent.

“ lets play truth or dare! “ said Zayn as i realized there had just been a really awkward silence  
“ sure “ i said trying to sound giddy but failing hard  
Zayn went first, “ Harry, truth or dare? “  
“ truth “  
“ would you ever let me date your sister? “ Zayn asked, i glared at Zayn hoping when he looked into my eyes he heard me saying 'really bitch?’.  
Harrys eyes widened before his laughter filled the entire bus with noise, Harry shook his head as his face turned a shade of bright red.  
“ no! “ Harry finally cried, “ she’s to good for you “ he said with a grin. Zayn put his hand on his chest and pretended to look offended, me and Harry laughed loudly at Zayn’s dramatic antics.  
“ really thought you would say yes “ Zayn said with a chuckle, “ Your turn haz “ he said to Harry.  
Harry cleared his throught, “ ok, Louis i dare you to get me a bottle of water and Zayn i dare you to get me some breakfast “ Harry said obviously proud of his “cleverness” however his “ cleverness “ received some very loud snorts from Zayn and i.  
~~~~~~ i got up and walked to the fridge saying bye to Zayn who walked to the mcdonalds down the street. i came back and sat down next to Harry handing him the water bottle, we were “alone”(niall). i new that this was a great opportunity to talk about yesterday but i sort of just want to cuddle up to him and talk about the x factor or pokemon like we used to, i knew he would rather do that too. i just sat there and watched him drink the water not aware of how completely creepy it was to be jealouse of a water bottle.  
“truth or dare” Harry asked, i looked at him quizzically before remembering our game.  
“ truth “ i replied  
“playing it safe i see, well now i have to ask you something especially hard “ Harry said with that lopsided smirk of his.  
he took a long time to come up with a question and his expression changed many times before it settled on a look of defiance and nostalgia “ do you really love me? “ he asked stretching out the word really. i was truly startled with the question and had to take a moment because all my thoughts were mixing together.  
“ w-what “ i asked choking on my own spit.  
“ did Harry really just ask me that, define love, it doesn’t matter say yes and yes Harry i fucking love you and i have since i first looked in your green eyes” were basically all the thoughts in my head but instead of saying all those things i just stared into space like an idiot.  
“ umm, i mean you don’t have t-to answer…” Harry said obviously embarrassed with the fact that i hadn’t answered yet, “ do you um wan-w-want to do a dare instead? “  
“ no, Harry i-i umm yeah, yeah “ i said quietly  
‘ what! “ Harry asked genuienly surprised  
“ yeah, love you mate, you are like the best company a lad could ask for “i replied trying to fix the fact that i had just admitted i loved Harry by saying the word “lad" and “mate”.  
The next thing Harry did surprised me since i expected him to just wave of my answer and continue the game, instead he grabbed my wrist and pulled them around his waist so i was hugging him. He pulled me in closer to him and rested his head on me, i could feel his soft lips on my collarbone, i became stiff and almost grabbed him by the shirt and kissed him there but instead realized i couldn’t think like that, especially while Harry was in the mental state he was in. Harry yawned and i remembered it was pretty late…or early so i made Harry stand up ignoring the whines coming from his mouth. i brought him to my bed and pulled the curtain “ now lay down “ i playfully said pretending Harry was really heavy, i propped some pillows up then pushed him onto them, he yawned snuggling deeper into the pillows with a smile.  
i stood up but Harry’s hand held onto my sweater causing me to fall back on the bed “ stay “, Harry whined ( fucking whined!!! ), i nodded closing my eyes so he couldnt see me mind fucking him senseless ( why do i think of these kind of things ) and sat on the edge of the bed. i played with Harry’s curls until his breath became heavier and even.  
i crawled out of the bed and picked up my phone that was on the floor with Harry’s water and Zayn’s redbull i suddenly realized Zayn was not back yet and texted him.  
To Zayn:  
“ where are you mate, I’m hungry !“  
From Zayn  
“ chill, i’ll be there in a sec “  
To Zayn  
" haz is sleeping, come in quietly “  
From Zayn  
“ whatever “  
I rolled my eyes and shuffled towards Harrys bed since mine was occupied, i lay on harrys bed scrolling through twitter until i hard the bus door open and Zayn giggling. i got up and saw Zayn at a table laughing at something Liam who came back from the gym with him said, i walked towards them and picked up the Mcdonalds bag “ THANK GOD!!! “ i exclaimed unwrapping the first thing i saw.  
“ your going to turn into Niall “ Liam said, i rolled my eyes and Zayn chuckled. At that moment Niall walked into the room with his irish self and took a seat next to me.  
“ thought i smelled food “ Niall said obviously still half asleep, Zayn snorted and took out three sandwhiches and handed them all to Niall who was now grinning like an idiot.  
“ vu haf a brubum “ i said to Niall with a full mouth, he just laughed and took a bite of his sandwich. I took another sandwich out of the bag and got up  
“what you doing Lou?” Zayn asked  
“giving a sandwich to Harry” i replied after basically swallowing my entire sandwich  
Niall put his head in hands stifling back laughter, Liam gave me the thumbs up sign and Zayn just chuckled and said ,“ 3 years going strong “. I turned away so the would not see my face turn bright pink, i may or may not have revealed my tiny crush on harry to the three boys while in a drunken state "fucking niall and his pints" i said to myself. Liam says he always expected the bromance to be real ( bullshit ), all three of them thinks Harry "shares the same feelings" but i doubt that since they are all obviously dirty bastards and not to be trusted.  
I flipped them all off and shook my head as i walked towards my bed to place the sandwich next to Harry so he would wake up to it but when i got to my bed i was surprised to see Harry up with his phone in his hands.  
“ got you a sandwich “ i said handing the sandwich to Harry awkwardly, he hesitated before he reached out to grasp the sandwich. i spun on my heel immeadiatly and began to walk but i stopped when i heard a soft but deep voice.  
“ i told you to stay, remember “  
“ hmm? “  
“ i told you to stay in the bed with me “ harry said gesturing me to come back, i sat on the edge of the bed stiff, “ lay down “ Harry sighed annoyed. i leaned back onto Harrys chest and i heard Harrys heartbeat quicken, he put his arm around me and then with one hand picked up his phone and started to scroll through his Instagram. i relaxed in Harrys arm and watched Harry laugh at stupid memes. dammit he is so cute!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> umm...yeah, its a little over 1,000 words of pure larry crap...


	3. filler..sort of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they wake up, harry and niall play, thay have an interview and then get some coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry this took so long, i broke the fourth wall a little by talking about harry’s smoothie choice. you probably already know harry likes kale smoothies but that note doesn’t really have anything to do with the chapter so I’m just gonna put one of these ******* star things to remind you the next part is irelavent and you don’t have to read it.  
> oh and basically this took really long to write and niall knows everyones secrets :/ :] =] i also had a major fan moment because while i was writing this i tried to write pain and i wrote payne.

HARRY  
“ Get the hell up lovebirds! “ Zayn shouted in the general direction of me and Louis, “ its been like four hours ". I turned my head and saw Louis' beautiful blue eyes flutter open, he looked at me and gave me a quick smile before sitting up and getting out of the bed.

I walked into the lounge and sat next to Niall, I smiled as I heard the Backstreet Boys through his headphones. Niall had barely acknowleged me but both our heads shot up as Liam entered phone in hand, he glanced at me and then quickly looked at the floor. “ umm, we have an-umm interview today, you no some pr stuff for Midnight Memories “ he said quiet and slowly, way too slow for the usually ecstatic boy.  
“ something wrong Li? “ i asked, i heard him choke and Niall put his headphones back in. Liam simply nodded then went away, i really hope Li ignoring me won’t last long! I thought to myself. “ Niall, you gonna help me look smashing for T.V “ i asked him.  
“ yeah mate! “ Niall replied turning off his music. we walked over to my suitcase and then Niall emptied everything out onto the bus floor, he rummaged through t-shirts and boxers randomly picking up items to smell, he then handed me a black t-shirt shirt and patterned pajama pants “ ‘ere yah go “ he chuckled.  
“ wow… amazing, what, do you plan on wearing this too? “ I said sarcastically  
“ yeah “ he said dodging a sock i threw at him, the sock fell in the dust and glass next to a broom. i picked up a jagged piece of glass and without thinking shoved it in my pocket. Then Niall picked up the fucking dust covered sock and shoved it in his mouth.  
“ mate your fucking disgusting “ i whined as he pulled out the sock laughing uncontrollably.  
“ I know “ he said “ you know you asked me to help you get dressed but i guess I’m not appreciated “ he snatched the pj’s out of my hand “ I’m wearing these “ he said holding in laughter.  
As for me i fucking died of laughter which made Niall let out a that loud cackle he calls a laugh. “ we’re really funny “ i said catching my breath realizing Niall is the only person in the world that can make me actually fall on the ground from laughing in ten seconds flat, banter level extreme.   
Niall nodded then said, “ i really am wearing this, Lou can work from there “  
I remembered Louis as i heard our stylist name which was similar to his, i haven't seen him since i woke up i realized. i subtly stopped laughing and ‘nonchalantly’ asked Niall if he knew where Louis had gone. he shook his head and then told me he actually has to get ready, i dismissed him and took out my phone.

To Louis  
where r u lou?

He replied almost instantly

From Louis  
went out love,c u soon x.

I smiled stupidly at the x then put my phone on the bed sighing, i walked to the mess of my clothes Niall had made and pulled out some black jeans that my balls couldn’t breath in. After i got dressed i dragged Niall away from the mini fridge, and announced that we were already late.

When we got to the portable Lou was “doing us up” in and the other boys were already there, even Zayn!! and Zayn is never earlier than me. i wrote a mental note to remind myself to scold Niall for insisting we get smoothies on the way *** ( i drank a really good kale smoothie because i know in the future my aesthetic will be sparkly boots, Gucci and kale )***.  
“ nice of you guys to join us “ Louis said looking at me.  
“ there is only like ten minutes before the interview starts, you guys are lucky Lou is in a good mood or else she would be kicking your asses right now “ Liam said in his lecture voice, he takes his role as daddy direction very serious, Louis snickered and i turned pink, WHY THE FUCK DID I TURN PINK!  
i heard the opening chords for TDKAU and got really confused for a second before i remembered Liam made his solo his ringtone, Liam answered the phone, muttered some ‘okay’s' and ‘i understands’ before shoving the phone in his blue hoodie pocket. “ the interviewer is late so we have an extra hour, i’m going back to the hotel “, Liam told us at his normal speaking pace.   
i had started walking to the door like the other boys but Lou called out “ Niall! Harry!, where do you two think you are going. you guys were late and the other boys actually know what they are doing…you two don’t! “. me and Niall stopped and walked back to Lou.  
“ we would never bail on you “ Niall said cheerfully giving Lou a very big hug. Lou squealed and the boys laughed before leaving, Louis came back in and walked to me.  
“ wanna grab tea later, i have to tell you something “ Louis whispered in my ear as he put his arm on my shoulder.  
“sure “ i said trying to not sound to exited about my one on one time with the older boy.  
“ great! have fun Haz! “ he shouted before racing out the door again, i turned to the floor and smiled about the nickname Louis gave me a while back, he had said something about friendship and trust when he gave it to me. it was a sweet moment when i thought i possibly had a chance with the strait lad, i was really naive back then…obviously now i am not. I have no chance.  
“Ooohhh”, Niall teased elbowing me in the side, “ looks like someone has a date “, he said and my face burned. Lets just say i told him about how much i liked and Louis whilst in a drunken state, thank god he is the only one that knows… Niall and his fucking pints!!  
“ Niall what the hell are you wearing! “ Lou exclaimed pointing to the patterned pajama pant Niall was wearing, Niall looked at me and we just laughed.  
~~~~~

“ So Louis, you and harry have a special relationship yeah? “, our interviewer asked.  
Louis face was hot, i could tell because his head had been resting on my shoulder, “ Hmm “ he said playing with a lock of my hair.  
“ Hmm? “ the interviewer pushed again.  
“ yeah, we-umm-get on really well but the fans are a little weird about it, they GENUINELY think there is a little “something” going on “ Louis straitened up and said in his high voice.  
“ Yeah, we-uhh get on real well “ i assured.  
“great! because the fans were going crazy about you two “ the lady said in a fake sugary voice before moving onto the next question, “ what are your favorite songs off of Midnight Memories? “  
“ i like Little Things! “ Niall started us off  
“ I really like You & I “ Liam said glancing at Zayn  
“ You know i really like You & I too “ Zayn said, the two high-fived and started giggling and whispering about something really close to each other. I had to stop myself from shouting ‘just shag already’ at the two and instead faced the interviewer lady.  
“ Umm, Strong “ Louis told the interviewer, i nodded and smiled as i remembered the many hours me and Louis spent talking and thinking about the song, even though i didn’t get credit i felt like i was a big part of the song. Though i am drawn to Strong i took a different path.  
“ You know Better than words is quite a good song, story of my life too, Louis which do you like better? “ i asked turning towards Louis and smiling smugly.  
“ oh, umm god damn-oh sorry for swearing but thats really hard! Story of-Better Than-Life “ Louis stammered glaring at me, he hates when people put him on the spot but who doesn’t? i chuckled and he gave me a shove to the back of my head.  
“ yes, very clever “ the interviewer said. After a few more generic questions we took some shots for an article. For the last one i was next to Liam so just before the shot was taken i punched him in the balls…i’m a good person right? after we were done so we then said our goodbyes and management gave us our ‘freedom’ back.

Zayn invited us all to lunch his treat.  
“ sorry, can’t mates. I got a thing with harry “ louis said  
“ ok see you two! “ niall said before grabbing liam who was still in pain and saying “ you’re coming with us “.  
~~~~~~~  
The entire way there ( wherever Louis was taking me ) i was anxious, Louis tried to make small talk but i wasn't feeling it, i was feeling like throwing up. its almost painful to sit alone with Louis and not do ANYTHING, but the tension was to thick. i found myself wrapping my hand around the glass in my pocket from earlier, the glass prickled my skin and i could feel little dots of blood drip down my palm. I loosened my grip on the glass and did some “ deep breathing “ .  
“ you ok haz, you seem a tad sick? “, Louis asked, a bit distant but i guess he is driving.  
“ oh, yeah I’m good. So where are we heading? “  
“ we…are actually here! “ Louis said pulling up next to a nice looking building. “ come on “ he said getting out of the car and then letting me out. “ you sure you’re fine? “ Louis asked sweetly.  
“ yeah, I’m…good “ i lied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the rest of the coffee shop will cotinue in the next chapter


	4. very short chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> louis is a dick and then says sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry it is so short, i really am. i can barley finish my homework, you can not expect me to finish a story. homework is actually what i am procrastinating right now.

LOUIS  
“Put the cup down “, i said to Harry

“O-k “, he said placing the cup on the checkered table top of some cafe Lottie suggested i go to.

“ ok louis, just get to the point“ i told myself

“ please tell me why you do…what you do”, ( too strait forward louis!! ) i glanced at Harrys wandering eyes, the blood quickly drained from his face but he 

sighed like he knew this was coming, he looked me straight in the eye.

“ why i do what? “, he smiled cheekily, like a cheeky bastard  
“ Harry, give me you fucking hands “ , i said determined to get him to take this seriously, the smile on his face disappeared as quickly as it came, his escape 

tactics wouldn’t work today, he couldn’t ‘charm me'. He slowly slid his hands out of his pocket and put them on the table wrist down and hands balled up in a fist, “ 

let me see “, i urged

“ i don’t want to “, he said sounding like some broken child, he was messed up not broken. 

“Ok”, i said getting up from the table, i wanted harry to think i wasn’t going to waste my time on a hopeless conversation which is a lie.

“No! come back “, harry exclaimed

i turned to harry who was staring at his lap with his wrist up but hands still balled, i sat back down and stared horrified, i hadn’t seen them in so long, constantly 

covered by bracelets. Scars.

“Why you do this…how could you even do this to yourself? “, i hissed, the words coming out of my mouth without me thinking, i instantly clamped my mouth 

shut. Harrys hands shook violently and i let them drop to the table, “Fuck conversations “, i thought to my self getting up to hug him. he put his hand on my bare arm

and i felt it, something sticky, i took his finally unclenched hand and look at the blood that had dried all over it, there were little cuts all over his palm. I looked at him,

in the eye and i saw the guilt, i saw everything. i looked at his wrist again too, realizing some of the scars were very recent. not even scars, scabs.

“No!”, i thought to myself. Now the moments gone.

“What the fuck Harry! why the fuck do you even have access to razors, and what the fuck was this? “ i said holding up his blood covered hand, “ fucking glass 

or something? “ he nodded, “ Are you fucking serious, you fucking shred yourself and you can’t tell any of us why! mate, that is fucked up! “, i screamed not caring

that other customers were beginning to stare, grabbing my coat.

“ i have to go, i try to help you, we all try to help you, but just keep destroying yourself if you want, i don’t care anymore “, i spat, regretting each word instantly,

harrys eyes filled up with tears

" oh my god!” , i thought but before i could apologize harry ran out of the cafe trembling.

“ well that was fucking successful wasn’t it, way to cause a scene dickhead “ i thought to myself.  
~~~~~  
“ you said that! why are you such a dickhead “, Liam exclaimed my exact thoughts over the phone

“thanks, i always feel so good after i talk to you Li “, i snapped sarcastically

“Louis, this isn’t about making you feel good, it’s about what you said to Harry, you tell the cheeky chap you like him by saying you don’t care! “, liam ranted

“ just tell me what to do “, i whined

i heard liam sigh, “ say sorry “  
~~~~~  
“Harry, please just listen to me!” , i pleaded as the pale boy walked right past me and towards Niall, wearing about 4 thick bracelets. FUCK. 

“ i’m guessing you haven’t said sorry yet? “, Liam whispered, “ Well get it together, its been two days and we are going out! “ he finished, patting me on the 

back before following Zayn outside for a smoke break. I slowly dragged my feet towards a table, i sat down and just starred forward at the plain white wall of the 

large workroom we booked in some huge office.

I felt something on my shoulder and jumped.

“ I-I’ll talk “ 

“ Harry, I’m sorr-“ , Niall left the room, " just sit down ok “, i sighed

“ I-about what i said, i didn’t mean that, i care ok! i care a fucking lot. And i don't want to make you feel sad or uncomfortable because…cuz I’m the funny one

you know, you’re supposed to be happy around me. But you barely ever look happy-“

“ No, lou i-“ Harry cut me off.

“ Harry, just let me speak ok, I’m sorry i just want to help and just want to make things better all the time. I can’t help it. I can’t stand seeing you like…this! 

Even before Li caught you, you were fucking unhappy. When i ask you ‘why’ I’m not trying to torture you because i know you hate that question, i ask because want to help you. I-I’m 

just sorry i’m a dick ok, please forgive me!

Harry looked to the floor and slowly nodded, i stood up bringing him up too and dragging him into a hug. He started shaking. “ Haz is something wrong”, i asked.

Now he was full on sobbing, i could feel his spit on my shoulder but i didn’t care. He lifted his head up just enough so i could see his usually bright green eyes 

“ It just hurts so fucking much! “, he blubbered putting his head back down.

“ What hurts? “

“ I lo-i can’t tell you “ , he mumbled into my now damp black jumper. I hugged him tighter and he cried even more, like some how i was torturing him, i just cried into his curls 

and he into my shoulder.

“ I’m so sorry “, i mumbled into his hair over and over again, just quiet enough so he couldn’t hear and could only feel my hot breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is where liam was talking about


	5. dinner i guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so this is from zayns point of view, this is right after the last chapter so it starts with him and liam smoking outside. him and liam are very close. liam sees that everyone is stressed, exspecially zayn since harry used his razor, so he takes them all to dinner. louis ignores almost anything because of eleanor, and harry gets sick of it...literally, he gets sick. zayn helps him stop throw up and when they leave the bathroom fans had found their location. so they left the place. harry + zayn share a room, zayn is confused because harry is so negative etc. there is some back and fourth then "Goodnight ".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry this took so long, this story is super casual and developing. i only work on it when i am procrastinating so...yeah. zayn is also not very used to emotions in this chapter...sorry. some things that did not exist in 2013 ( when this story takes place ) is zayn and the tag #fuckboyhacks, if you follow his twitter you will know what i am talking about, another thing is that loose strand of hair from a picture of zayn that broke the internet longer then kim k's ass. so yeah.xx

ZAYN  
“You know the razor Harry used i-it was mine “, I said after passing a lighter to Liam and blowing out a puff of smoke.

“Hmm? “  
“I swear i don’t know how he got it b-“, I started quickly  
“Its fine, well its not “, Liam took a drag of his cigarette, “you don’t think its your fault, right? because its not “  
“Fuck! I just don’t know why he thinks he can use-“, Liam cut me off again but this time it was him deliberately blowing smoke in my face.  
“Oh shut up Zayn, if you think too much you will turn all emo and moody, we need people to have their shit together to help Harry “, Liam whispered and groaned at the same time, “plus I have a surprise for you “.  
After we finished we quickly went back inside, and we saw Niall hunched over a table sipping tea ALONE.  
“Where is Harry? “, Liam asked a hint of edge in his voice, he cares about our well being way too much for his own good.  
“Calm your tits Lima bean, he is just with Louis “, Niall replied blatantly. Liam sighed but looked at me gesturing for me to follow him to a backroom.

~~~~~  
“So about what you were saying earlier, i mean, you’re all good. Right? “, he said moving a loose strand of hair of my forehead ***( THE LOOSE STRAND THAT FUCKING KILLED EVERYONE I MEAN HOLY FUCK, GODDAMN MALIKS ARE SO PRETTY)***

I looked down and my throat bobbed because I really wasn’t OK, did Harry think he could just use my things to hurt himself, did he think I would allow this! But   
of course i would never tell Liam this even if he could read my thoughts, i slowly looked up, bit my lip and nodded.   
He stared right into my eyes but exhaled and said, “OK, good, good. Because I am taking you to dinner, well not just you-I am bringing the others but its really for you ok, you are very…stressed out “.  
“But never mind that”, he said quickly and smiling in the way where his eyes crinkled up and his teeth showed he waved away the subject of Harry and my   
stress knowing he didn’t want the topic to lead anywhere, instead he talked about me and meetings etc, but as my smile grew bigger the subject changed to mostly me.  
“And here i thought you were taking me on a proper date! turns out there is going to be a third, fourth and fifth wheel to accompany us “, I giggled returning his crinkled smile.  
“ yeah, yeah, cut me some slack “, he said innocently, but it didn’t sound so innocent to me, the words ‘cut’ had a whole deeper meaning for me, the smile fell of my face resulting in his disappearing as well.  
“No, no! Zayn that's not what i mea-goddamn” , Liam sputtered  
“Let’s go, umm check up on Haz “, I whispered patting him on the shoulder before walking past. Liam sucked in a breath before catching up with me.

~~~~~  
“What can i do for you young men, we have a fine selection of wine in the back “, our waitress offered leading us through the crowded tables at the restaurant 

Liam took us to. A bodyguard stood by our side. 

“No thanks, water is fine “, Liam said ignoring the disappointed look from Niall. Our waitress led us to a booth in the back, I slid into the booth first   
scratching my nails against the black pleather seat, Niall scooted in across from me, Harry then Louis. Liam slid in next to me his arm touching mine barely, pretty   
much only the material of his hoodie touching my bare bicep, my heart rate still increased. Li and Niall reached for the two menus in the center of the table, Liam   
leafed through the pages like he was reading something interesting, and Niall exclaimed about all the different styles of pizza. Louis was texting Eleanor I think, and   
Harry was just looking down at his lap. I wanted to talk to him, but i just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I turned towards the frosty window and looked out onto the   
streets, the mysterious one i am indeed, i really am happy go lucky, I thought to myself. I reached my hand out to touch the cold glass but something bumped into my   
shoulder, i turned around quickly and snapping out a “what”.  
“Nothing, i just wanted to show you this”, Liam said pointing at a random dish on his menu. I know he just wanted an excuse to talk, I could see in his eyes that he was   
worried, not just about me and Haz but all of us. So me and Liam kept talking, he looked happier now.  
By the time the waitress came back to take our orders, the table was much more alive, me and Li chattered away and Niall finally put down his menu and started talking to   
Louis, Harry joined in too, laughing at jokes loudly. We ordered quickly and all ignored the comment Niall made about the waitresses “smile” when she left. Liam put his elbows   
on the table and leaned forward to talk to Niall and I slipped my phone out of my pocket. I scrolled through the twitter tag #fuckboyhacks (you should know where that is from )   
and i also saw that #dinnerwith1D was trending worldwide, wtf! how did they know we were out! Liam shifted next to me and i could feel his breath on my neck, as if reading my   
mind he snickered and said, “They know everything “.

Our orders came and we quickly dug in, most of us anyway. Louis got a call from eleanor and quickly left the booth to go outside. And after this Harry didn’t eat,   
he just picked at his food for five minutes then escaped off to the restroom, he had actually been in the restroom a long time but maybe I was just paranoid... I   
couldn’t eat knowing he was in that bathroom all alone. I wanted to respect his privacy but anxiety was eating me up inside.  
“I have to go to the bathroom” , I said jumping up from the booth knocking a salt shaker down, I squeezed past Liam and made my way to the side of the building.

~~~~~~

“Harry!”, i said as I walked into the mens bathroom, the sound of my voice echoing off of the walls. I heard the gagging first, then the strong smell of bile struck me. “Harry, are you there?”, I said a bit louder this time. A few seconds later I heard harry cough a few stalls down from where I was.  
“Yes?”, he said hoarse. I walked over to his stall.  
“You good? do I need to call Liam or-“  
“NO!nononono”, Harry exclaimed coughing again.  
“Well could i come in?”, I asked tapping lightly on the stall. I heard the metal door unlock and harry opened it slightly, just enough for the smell of puke to be 100x stronger.  
“ Fuck, don’t tell me he has bulimia too! “, i thought inside my head. I nudged the door open a bit more and patted harry who was now doubled over coughing on the back.  
“Are you sure I shouldn’t call someone? are you well enough to go back and sit? “, I asked stumbling over words  
“Yes, I’m sure…lets just go back “, he sputtered wiping his mouth. I slowly turned around, leaving him to clean up. when I exited the mens bathroom though the hall was filled with a couple dozen fans, that started screaming as soon as I came out. There were more and more as I made my way through the restaurant and a bodyguard quickly stood by my side as soon as he saw me.  
“Hurry, hurry “, I heard niall shout over the huge crowd. The fans were chasing us out of the restaurant, our location leaked. I went back to get Harry, he   
followed quickly and silently until we left the building, leaving the fans inside behind.  
“ Where is Louis? “, I asked.  
“Oh, he already left “, Liam said, i heard a small grunt from Harry as his face fell but decided to not mention it.

~~~~~~~  
“Sorry dinner was cut short. you good? “, Liam asked once we had all settled in the black van headed towards the hotel. I glanced at Harry.

“Yeah, it cool…I’m good “, i replied glancing at Harry again, i think Liam picked up on the fact that he wasn’t receiving my full attention so after that he shut up.  
I glanced at Harry again, he was not well, I knew that,"should I tell Liam about him throwing up? Harry needs someone else to take care of him. Fuck he looks so sad, ahhh!! “, I thought to myself every time I glanced at Harry. I glanced at Harry again.

~~~~~~~

Sleeping on tour was rare, and we had a show tomorrow, so when we got to the hotel, there was only one thing on everyone’s minds, SLEEP. Niall retired back   
to his room, Liam and Louis to the tour bus and finally me plus Harry returned back to our room.  
“Harry, are you up? “, i asked somewhere near one o’clock.  
I heard some deep grumbling before a groggy voice replied, “Yes “.  
“Do you want to talk? “ I asked letting the question hang in the air a little bit. Fuck fuck fuck fuck, feeling suck!  
“No “  
“Well, are you feeling better? "  
“No “  
“God harry, when did you become so…not our Harry anymore? “ I said, then I asked the question I guess had been bothering me all night, “Why did you use MY razor! “.  
Absolute silence penetrated the cozy hotel room. It was a silence that seemed to last an eternity, until Harry said, “Because I could, and it was the only thing I   
could do, there are so many things I can’t do, but I could do that. I could use the razor, doesn’t matter if it was yours or not! Now please go the fuck to sleep “ , his words rung true but stung, there are so many things he can’t do, but i still didn’t know why he won’t stop and just talk.  
“Goodnight “, I finally said, promising to myself to tell Liam about the conversation in the morning.  
SILENCE.  
“Goodnight “, said Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont think this is the best chapter but we introduce harry from another boys point of view. expect to have different boys POV. please tell me how to make this story better, i need your lovely opinions.xxx

**Author's Note:**

> It sort of sucks and ends randomly but who cares...sorry. oh and btw the story is from both boys perspective. and i dont know if you already know this or not but i.cant.spell.for.SHIT!!!  
> xoxox


End file.
